What? How did I end up here? It's frigging cold in here. Dark, misty, the blue misty trees. Yes, it's the forest again.

Was it a Portkey? I don't remember a Portkey. Though I don't remember since the 7th Firewhiskey I drank so... Okay, I'm not sure if I wanna be here now. It's very late and I think I hear something. Yeah I definetely hear something...

"Show yourself! Who are you? What do you want? I'm Harry Potter!"

Oh oh! Potter!
Oh Potter I wish I would meet you here
Oh my Potter
I have something I wanna say
Whoo I was so disappointed when you didn't come to me last nigh
Ooh Potter, why Potter
I thought we agreed that you would be my little toy

Can't you remember Potter
This is the very place we were on our first date
Oh Harry, I wanna call you Harry
Please let me call you Harry
I wanna feel so close to you
I wanna be so close to you
I wanna feel what's underneath that Quidditch robe
Underneath your tight cloak
Underneath your tight pants
I can see that something
You've grown since those days Potter
The moment

when we first met right on this very place
I remember it was detention with Fang
Oh I dunno how Hagrid told you and me to pair up
Maybe because I told him that he would get
a lot of dough and a lot of beer
and his own dragon stall
all those lil dragons there
Oh so he paired us up and quite a pair we are
We're so hot
Oh Potter, can I call you Harry
Oh Potter, I wanna call you my lil Hawwy
when we do it
I hope it's tonight

"Um, yeah Draco, I think you misunderstood my lil message."

"Oh how come I understood it wrong? Because you wrote to me that if I don't stop sending those Mowlers you're gonna come and pull me down and evaporate my wand."

"Yes Draco, I actually meant that I'm going to disarm you, your wand, your actual wooden stick wand."

"Oh. Right. Hm. But how come should I have understood it like that? Because you can't deny it, Potter, that the way you look at me, it's like you have this underlying fire that's about to burst and it wants to get into..."

"Again, Draco, um, the way I look at you basically says: Get away, you're disturbing me, you're pissing me off, you're not my type, you are pathetic, and that's about it. Oh, and you're a spoiled lil brat. I don't date spoiled lil brats who run to their daddy every time they have some sort of misfortune."

"I don't run to my daddy, Potter! I just run to his money. Potter, you can't say that you don't love money."

"No, I can't say that I don't love money. But I'm in the fortunate position that I don't have to kiss anyone's ass to get money."

"Yes you are, Potter. But I... I think we're so alike. We're so alike, Potter. I just.. I just wanna get to know you, Potter. I just wanna go out and have some fun."

"Yeah, okay, I don't quite buy that... but I'm so bored right now that I might say yes."

"Oh Potter! Please say yes! Pwease, pweeease say yes Potter pweease..."

"I say yes if you promise to stop that."

"Whaat?"

"Trying to look cute. It doesn't work for me."

"What? I'm not trying to look cute! I'm just...a sexy man. I'm a very very sexy man. And so are you, by the way."

"Why don't we go, Draco?"

"Oh yes yes, where should we go? Do you have your broomstick? I'd so like to ride with you on a broomstick."

"No I don't have my broomstick. I only have my...my... my... where is it?! Okay, sh...fuck, fuck!"

"What is it, Potter?"

"My wand. Um, I think I left it somewhere. I think I left it in the Leaky Cauldron, yeah. Yeah. And I'd also like to know whatta fuck is going on in here! Like, this is the second time I've been Portkeyed somewhere. Or something. I'm not sure if it's a Portkey coz I don't see any kind of Portkey here. The first time it happened I was at... the Leaky Cauldron. The Leaky Cauldron! Someone in the Leaky Cauldron is just fucking around, and I wanna no why, coz no one fucks around with Harry Potter!"

"Aaah, you're so hot! When you're like...you got some balls! Ooh balls..."

"Draco. Advice. Turn it down a bit. Coz that's really not the way to go."

"Oooh, so what is the way to go then, Harry?"

"Also, don't call me Harry. Only my pals get to call me Harry. And also Albus but he's an excepting coz unfortunately he has the power to kick my butt."

"Okay, Mr Potter, shall we go now? How about...Floo?"

"Yeah, I think that's the easiest way. Come on, let's go."

"Oooh. Hehe. Ah. Right behind you, Mr Potter."

Oh yeah
I'm getting to the Leaky Cauldron
with with my Mr Mr Potter
Oh I've never been
on a second date with him
but tonight something's gonna happen I know
Tonight I'm gonna make it oh

He's a bit, bit lil bit shy
Oh I dunno why oh I dunno why
he rejects me time after time
I think it's becoz he's so full of lust that he can't

No he can't stop himself thinking about me
So he has to fake it oh
He has a reputation to hold on to
He cannot stick to one man only
But I wanna be his only only only one
I think after couple of years
he will melt in my arms
And he'll finally see that

I'm the best
coz Slytherins do the best
I'm the best
Draco rocks and does it best
He will see that I can -
I can - and I can -
I can do, oh I can do
anything he wants me to (anything oh boy)
Anything he wants me to
Anything he wants me to

Harry Harry, don't go, be merry
I'll be merry
Oh Harry Harry, we're gonna marry
I'm gonna marry you
Oh I'm gonna carry you
through the miseries the other boys make you go through
I'm gonna marry you (no one is gonna hurt you baby)
It's gonna be so true

I let no one no one no one hurt you
I will let no one hurt you baby
So please say yes or even just a maybe

You're gonna notice Potter that this was the best decision you've ever made

Oh, and if you, lovely listeners, don't know what a Mowler is... well, it's a special kind of Howler. A more intimate kind of Howler, if you know what I mean.