It was a dark dark really dark evening Everyone at Hogwarts was asleep except one one little boy The one little boy who never got enough credit in the books at first until he became a sort of a hero in book 7 But this story is not about that event This story happened a long before this boy was thought to be cool But this story proves that he was cool way before we knew of it Way before Hello, I'm Neville and I wanna be as cool as Harry Potter So I'm gonna sneak out at night I told Harry to not sneak out at night That was only because I didn't want him to get into awesome adventures Coz I wanna get in awesome adventures I wanna be the star of Gryffindor So right before they closed the door The front door of the castle I slipped through the doorway And no one noticed coz I stole Harry's Invisibility cloak Invisibility cloaks are cool and helpful Anyhoo, I decided that I wanna wanna wanna get into the Forbidden Forest coz there are dangers you can't imagine image I tried to sneak so quietly past Hagrid's House but then then I heard a bark It was Fang He woke up Fang was barking like a mad mad wolf Then Hagrid woke up I was out of luck I heard him running behind me but he didn't catch me So I I reached the forest It was dark I was a little bit scared but I decided that was gonna make it because was gonna make it because I had something that would defeat any Werewolves or Dementors or horrible horrible horrible monsters horrible monsters I had the Sword of Gryffindor! I had the Sword of Gryffindor! I once saw it in Dumbledore's office and then when he was, um, in the bathroom I took it and hid it under my bed And now you wonder why Sirius Black didn't take that sword when he ransacked our dorm Well, here's how that happened You see, I didn't really lose the list of passwords I was on my way to Gryffindor tower when this furry black dog came running towards me It was wagging its tail and sniffing my hand and it even gave paw when I asked It was adorable And I said Are you lost, little dog? Have you lost your way? Oh you can come and stay with me In the dorm you can sleep in my bed It will be nice and there's a fireplace if you're cold if you're cold Come with me, little dog We can be the best of friends Come with me, little dog We can swim in the lake in summer Oh bummer There's that Giant Squid It's not really safe But anyway We can play all day play all day play all day Won't you come and stay? After I said this the dog stopped wagging its tail It gave me a very sad look It turned around and poof! It turned into a man A very sad man He told me who he was He told me his whole tragic lifestory and how I was the first person since James to be nice to him And then he told me that he was here to kill a rat And I was like "Wouldn't you want anything else to eat?" And he was like that it was about a revenge And I would've said that revenge is no good but at that point he was already pointing his wand at me so I had to basically shut up and do what he said He told me to stay where I was and he started walking away But then he stopped and turned around and said "Why do you look so sad?" "Coz I liked the dog And I can't have it now" He smiled at me and asked where my bed and stuff were in the dorm and promised not to touch any of them Before he went he said "It's a shame you're not Harry coz you're such a great guy" I waited until he was out of sight and then... I just had to sing I won Harry Potter I won Harry Potter I won Harry Harry I'm a great guy I won Harry Potter I won Harry Potter I am better than better than Potter Potter I won Harry Potter I won Harry Harry I'm I'm I'm a great guy He said I'm a great guy He said I'm a great guy He said I'm better than Harry Harry Harry He said I'm better than Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry I rock! So that's why I still have the sword

Anyhoo, so I was In the dark forest All alone In the dark forest Far from home Oh yes And I heard a noise behind me A little crack I turned around Took out the sword And said: "I am Neville Big Longbottom I'm gonna kill you Whatever you are, monster Don't try anything" It was a giant Spideycorn It was a giant Spideycorn And Spideycorn is, well um Well, it's half unicorn and half spider And you want wonder how that's possible but… it's a long story so I'm not gonna get into that right now A horrible Spideycorn With eight legs and a dozen horns It kicked the sword right out of my hand I pulled out my wand and screamed: "Reducio!" Then it turned into the cutest Little Spideycorn You would have wanted to take it home This cutest So cute This little Spideycorn Just four inches tall A perfect pet for us all So I put it in my pocket Oh yeah So I got this little new friend And I thought that this This scary forest Was way too, way too dangerous for my little Spideycorn So I I hopped out of the Forbidden Forest And then I felt that I was kind of thirsty And hungry But I couldn't go back to the castle So I decided to try this little pathway Sirius had told me about So I walked to the Whomping Willow But I didn't know how How I was gonna be able to get past it I thought for a while And then I decided to try my favorite spell So I said: "Hey, Whompy Are you sad? Has the life been treating you bad? Hey, Whompy Do you wanna have some fun? Or at least feel some joy Well, enjoy: Ridiculus!" Oh Whompy started shaking Like someone was ticking it Oh Whompy started shaking It lifted all its branches And I sneaked under into the hole

So I was in the tunnel It was dark I felt my Spideycorn tremble in my pocket Like it was sensing something evil In the tunnel And it wasn't wrong Coz very soon A dark shadow Appeared in front of me It was approaching me I tried to grasp my sword Which I Then I realized I had forgotten in the forest So I I took out my wand But I was too slow My wand was dropped And the next thing I know This person was Raising its Raising its Raising its, um... walking stick? It said: "You, fool, who enters my realm! You, fool, will meet a horrible end! Stand back! Go back where you belong! You shall not pass!!" "Um, dude, wrong movie" "Uhh, I know I just like doing that It's kind of boring alone Abandoned by your brother Who is the awesomest wizard of the fricking world I don't think so, but he think so And everyone else think so So, like, what I What I say doesn't, it doesn't fricking matter Never mattered It never mattered when he He did what he did He loved that dude He wanted to be with that dude Well, I have nothing against with him being… Well I have nothing against with him having intimate relationships with that dude But seriously, the dude was Crazee And that dude made him crazy, too" "Okay, I don't really know what you're talking about but…Who are you?" "Well, you state your name first, boy" "I'm Neville Longbottom Neville Big Longbottom Like, you can call me Big Coz that's pretty much what I like to be called but no one does it coz I'm kind of a loser in the school and" "Yea, okay, tell your worries to Merlin coz I don't care My name is Aberforth Aberforth Dumbledore" "Wow! You're a Dumbledore I mean… Wow, you're a Dumbledore" "Yea, I'm a Dumbledore Wonder why no one has ever heard of me? Coz my selfish idiot brother steals the spotlight Every fricking time" "Oh, I'm sorry You know, I totally understand Coz in the school, there's that Harry Potter And everyone thinks he's awesome And he kinda gets all the attention And nobody Nobody ever Ever notices me And I w…" "Boy, didn't I tell you to not start opening up to me? I mean, you're just a kid What do you know about life? And suffering?" "Well, I…" "Yea yea, whatever So what are you doing in this tunnel at this time of night?" You're not supposed to be here It's dangerous I guess I have to take you with me Coz otherwise my Brothaa will come And yap and yap and yap to me About how I let one his students Wandering in the dark tunnel at night So, come now, boy We're going to the Hog's Head" "Ha, yo, Hog's Head! I'm gonna drink, like 10 butterbeers And then like 5 firwhiskeys And then like…" "Boy, you're not gonna drink anything You're a kid And I own the place Now c'mon I've wasted enough time" The man turned around And started walking But I didn't follow him I picked my wand off the ground And yelled: "Ridiculus!" And yelled another "Ridiculus!" And yelled a third "Ri-di-culous!" He fell on his knees Laughing like a madman I ran Ran past him All the way to the Hog's Head And I poured myself A firewhiskey Another firewhiskey A third firewhiskey A fourth firewh–isk-ee A fi..fifth firewhiskee A si… I don't… I'm not sure how many firewhiskeys I kinda.. I'm.. dr.. unk like um like oh Oh, you're so cute, baby You're so cute You're so sw… You're totally You're totally awesome and I like I like you're totally.. ju… suc..such a great dude like like Like like I love you man I love you *snores* "Ugh.. Eh… Get off Get off! Get off my face! Whatta fuck Whatta fuck" "Hahahaha" "Whatta fuck are you doing man??" "Hahahahaha" "I was having a great time" "Whatta fuuuck" "Ahahahahaha" "Ron, man What's so funny? Ron, man whatta fuck did you do man??" "You might wanna check the mirror" "Whatta fuuuuuu " "Hahahaha Neville is an idiot He tries to be so cool But Neville stays an idiot He ends up looking like a fool Every night he dreams Of going on some stupid adventures But tonight he screams Coz we put We put Chocolate Frogs in his hair Chocolate Frogs in his hair Chocolate Frogs in his hair He's got Chocolate Frogs in his hair He's got Chocolate Frogs stuck in his hair He's got Chocolate Frogs stuck in his hair He's got Chocolate Frogs smashed in his hair Hahaha Neville sucks"

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